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April, 2008
Despair or Doubt ... Or Either?
Two feet of snow has become 1 foot of snow. Thirty degrees has turned into fifty degrees. The seasons are in transition as life begins to creep out of the death of winter. Springtime is surely a time of the year that many of us long for – the yard will be cared for, the gardens tilled, and outdoor adventures become possible will little gear required. But why do we long for this season so?

Personally I look forward to getting the kids bikes out of the now-cluttered basement and finally teaching my daughter the skill of riding without the safety net of training wheels. Beyond this, I anticipate the freedom of speaking with neighbors and generally leaving the house for any reason other than shoveling the driveway. Spring is the time of year that we can see and experience a taste of freedom. The boundaries of our house will no longer contain us, at least for a season. This freedom, breaking free of the shackles that bind us, is ultimately what Springtime provides those of us who live in New England.

Mary and the other women were the first to break free from the fortress of the disciple’s hideout after the crucifixion. “Very early on the first day of the week, just after sunrise, they were on their way to the tomb.” They went as spectators to put spices on the Lord’s body without much forethought (“who will roll away the stone for us?”) and without much hope. Yet after seeing the empty tomb they left as inquirers, and even as doubters. Thomas was not the only one with significant questions that morning.

Winter tends to be a time in which many of us retreat into isolation – living vicariously through the television, books, or the internet. And invariably when taken away from the ebbs and flows of community we tend to backpedal into despair or depression. After all, who among us can handle the weight of life and even of death alone? It is too heavy a burden to carry in isolation. But there is an enormous difference between despair and doubt. Despair makes no room for a different future, while doubting accepts the possibility of the new by asking questions of it.

Mother Theresa wrote in her recently published diaries the following: “The more I want [God], the less I am wanted … Such deep longing for God – and … repulsed, empty, no faith, no love, no zeal. [The saving of] souls holds no attraction. Heaven means nothing. Pray for me please that I keep smiling at Him in spite of everything.” She is preceded by many in the Scriptures who wrestled with doubt. Job, in the midst of his suffering said, “If I called and he answered me, I could not believe that he was listening to my voice. For he bruises me with a tempest and multiplies my wounds without cause.” Jeremiah told God he had been deceived. And of course Thomas has picked up a nickname of “Doubting”.

For the follower of Jesus, an encounter with the reality of Easter, the reality of an empty grave changes our despair to hope, or at a minimum to doubts. “What if…” is the question we are forced to address and it brings us out of isolation and into God’s community as we ponder God’s kind of life together. We may be experiencing a harsh winterish kind of life, but our hopes and our future do not rest upon the circumstances around us. Rather, they rest in a Person who said “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going."

Spring reminds us of projects and baseball, but it also points us to the freedom Christ has given us to embrace a new kind of life. His resurrection emphasizes the reality of the yet to come. This earth is not our final home. This world is not all there is. Our life lived here is in preparation for the life He offers in His Kingdom. You may have doubts, but they are the fodder from which faith arises. Embrace your new found Springtime freedom and choose to leave your despair behind as we are reminded of the truth that faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. That is what your heart truly longs for.
 

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